The Incredible Rainbow Chasing Girl

See it there, in a cage of rotten flowers

For all to see! Keep the children back

Those of faint heart or weak nerves will

Not wish to view this freak.

She walks! She talks! She crawls

On her belly like a REPTILE!

Amazing, sad and horrifying she’s the

Incredible Rainbow Chasing Girl!

It gives its life to others. Smiling

Like an empty minded idiot while the insults

Bounce off its broad shoulders like hailstones!

Each a hurt but it doesn’t show it at all!

Hurry Hurry Hurry ! Step right up. For the

Bravest only, you can get close enough to

Spit RIGHT ON IT’S HEART! It’s right

There on its sleeve. Go ahead, the

Chains we bind it with are NOTHING

Compared to the chains it bound itself

With MANY years ago! It is bound to a

Rock of dream stuff stronger than any locomotive!

Is it man? Is it woman? It is nothing of the sort!

A freak! A real freak! It found us, we certainly

Weren’t looking for anything this disgusting!

Go ahead, it can’t hear (we think it can’t)!

It acts like a human! Truly we do not lie!

It dresses itself, washes itself almost

Like a human, but not quite! IT WILL EVEN

CRY REAL TEARS! Don’t worry, no

Freak was harmed in the show. Yet.

Don’t cry little boy, it can’t happen to you

Your normal, this beast isn’t even really

Human like you or your mommy and daddy.

Hurry, Hurry, Hurry ! Step right up

View the freak before its gone forever!

A once in a lifetime chance. (No flash photos

or videos please. Our insurance prohibits it).

Hormones or May You Live In Interesting Times.

Okay, I started my regime of phytoestrogens (plant based estrogen like compounds) and was surprised by how fast results came in. My breasts are shaping up nicely, very small, but they resemble breasts, they are also tender as hell (I reported that earlier).

Today’s episode proved that the hormones are indeed working. Every time the wind changed the waterworks started. Now, for the most part, I am not afraid to cry, never really have been. It feels good sometimes. Even as a guy I was able to get away with it. But seriously, I work as a gunfighter (An actor) and while dressed as a Marshall carrying two guns and a pocket of ammo, I really do NOT need to go hormonal. Seriously. Every few seconds I could feel my eyes gathering tears, getting that choked up swelling in my breast and I would have to quickly wipe away tears so I could continue to look like a big strong bad ass gun fighting law man.

Oh for f***s sake ! I will be SO glad when I can just chuck the whole boy appearance thing and clean my closet out (it also means a shopping trip to Burlington Coat Factory whoo hooo) I am so tired of living one foot in and one foot out. Seriously, everybody knows and no one really cares, but, my mother in law and step daughter are here and the wife is afraid my transgenderism will ruin her visitation chances. So I cannot dress as Sindee at all right now, and my job kind of requires me to dress like a guy (from the late 1800′s none the less).

Any way, point is this emotional roller coaster is as physical as it is emotional.

Now, my good friends (My family from another coast and bloodline) Richie and Robyn decide they need to take me to 6:01 Am, a play that shows vignettes of life, very emotional, very powerful and here I am weeping at anything that moves ergo – the first half of the play – I am fighting waterworks. Oh my God ! In the first few moments the first character describes his miserable life and then DIES ! Whats a girl to do ? The next couple of scenes were just as heart rendering and here I am trying to sit like a lady to regain my composure and FORGET I am dressed en homme, no wonder the ladies next to me were staring, here is this 6 ft 200+ pound guy weeping like a baby and sitting there with KNEES TOGETHER AND ANKLES CROSSED and my hands folded lightly in my lap !

Whoops, I forgot. I blame Robyn, she gave me this fabulous black wrap that goes with practically anything and I wore it to the show. It made me feel a lot more girlish and, well, forgot I was in public, the show swept me away so completely.

Point is, this wonderful play that I missed the last half on ? Well, the Director, Pan, is MY new director. I am SO excited. He didnt even flinch when I admitted I was hormonal.  This season, for me, promises to be the single most interesting season I have ever worked on in this theater.

Isnt that an old Chinese curse ? “May you live in interesting times”

Bras and the terrifying things that are in them.

Made you look !

Sorry, cheap trick. Point is, since I have started phytoestrogens (Estrogen like substances that come from plants) I have noticed , errr, changes.

ONE: I am WAY more sensitive to things. No, I am not weeping every time someone spills a drink, but things that I could have laughed off in the past bring me to tears. Not complaining, it isn’t like being depressed (which is PAINFUL, period, no other words describe depression) it is like feeling a vibration in the world and when the vibe is wrong, your tear ducts seem to alert you. And I have been told by a genetic female “Welcome to my world”, thank you sister, that is so much more appreciated than you will ever know.

TWO: My boobs are tender and they hurt. They are growing, right now they are less than swollen mosquito stings, but the shape is there, a slight roundness and swell around them shows the shape of things to come. YES, I am damned excited at growing breasts, but this tenderness is a bitch ! So my dearest wife, Sara, recommended I grab one of her sports bras. MAZELTOV ! (And I am basically a protestant, Mazeltov was the precise feeling) oh my gosh, when you put those girls in check it feels great ! Had I known this I would have worn a bra when I was lifting weights to keep my pecs in control (Wait, I did but I did that for sexual excitement, I thought I was still a cross dresser back then, ahhh, the innocence of youth) I felt like I had discovered the new world ! All day I have been wearing this thing and my boobs haven’t been sore once !

Okay, so right now, all those poor pubescent females in my school when I was growing up (!) I AM SO SORRY, I beg your forgiveness ladies. Seriously. And it isn’t just the boobs or the sensitivity, now that I have some background in biology etc, wow, what an asshole I was.

And how wonderful you were not to kill me in my sleep (math class, English class, language class, PE, lunch – I slept through them all) All I can say is God help my ten year old son if I ever hear of him teasing some young girl about her body. Of course, I just recently told him about me, his response ? cool. That was it.

Maybe there is a chance for him after all.